Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Missing Link

I had a rather serious error with the medication I'm on and, as my psychiatrist put it, the floor dropped out.  Things seem a bit less harrowing now, but I've got a piggy-back med to help.  It feels weird.

It's not very pleasant now.  I'm alone 24/7 for the most part, with the exception of the dogs.  I know that's not good, but I work from home and nobody seems interested in stopping by except for Rex and he works a lot.

The problem is just basic.  John should be here.  Even if he was just sitting watching tv while I worked, or whatever, everything would be fine.  I'd feel fine.  The presence or absence of one person can change everything.

I realize that I really don't need a lot.  I need my job, my computer and tv, something to eat, and John.  Everything else is a bonus.  Heck, I could do without the computer or tv.  I bought an iPhone 5 and it would do.  Hmm.. food and John and I would be fine.

I just don't understand this, though.  I know I'm not a unique snowflake, even though I don't have the local support that most grieving people do.  I don't know how this not something that is talked about more in society.  I've been absolutely crushed.. in a way I did not think existed.  I know other people have worse reactions than I, and I can't imagine how they live through it.  I guess some don't, or some become shut-ins.  I totally understand that reaction now.

I didn't know the reality of the world was that you live life and think everything is going well, and then you will get hammered by something awful.  When I was younger, I didn't think that existed, and I ignored other people who it happened to just like people are ignoring me now.  I know why people do that, because I was that person.

I envy my father who was married to my mother for over 50 years before she passed.  It probably sucks just the same, but seems a bit more natural.  10 years wasn't nearly enough for me.  Maybe John was the lucky one.  He lost his mom, and that was difficult for him, but he didn't get smashed like I have been.  If the after-life is as great as people claim, then he definitely got the better end of the deal.


Steve said...

I'm glad you got your meds fixed up. It's probably not the greatest thing bein on a ton of meds in the first place, let alone when they're all fucked up.

Just wanted to let you know that we haven't all gone running and screaming from ya. I still check in every day waiting to hear the latest.

I've seen your footprint online a bit, I know you're having trouble getting back into the fun things you used to do, but if you're ever online, hit me up, I'm always good for a game or two.

Tom said...

Ya, I'm trying to do some of the things I used to do. They are my hobbies, after all, and I suppose I was doing that stuff for a reason.

I also wanted to try the new D3 patch, and I think it's still a pile of shit. I saw some dev post or other where they admit it's a pile of shit and they're going to try and fix it. They've been trying for a long time.

Steve, do you have a steam id? I don't seem to have Kor on my list either.

Steve said...

I've tried the D3 patch, it's still exactly the same. Well, I haven't done any of the "PvP", but that's cause no one is on there anymore. I ran into Ish briefly, but had connection problems. I still find the game somewhat calming. I do enjoy just mashing some monsters for an hour or so to pass the time. I've given up any hope that some bad ass item will drop, or even something that would remotely be considered an upgrade.

I'm really just waiting for Simcity, which finally will arrive tomorrow. I imagine that will consume the majority of my time for awhile.

I do have a steam Id, I see you on my list (hard to call it a list when there's one person on it). I'll find out what my Id is when I get home and send it to ya.

Take care,


Tom said...

Now I'm curious about Simcity.

Oh this is cool.. you can play cooperatively.