Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved! That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly. ~LEO TOLSTOY, War and Peace
I've been reading about the sources of "happiness". It would seem having a "purpose" in life, as well as relationships are the keys.
I don't think I've ever questioned whether or not I was happy in the past. If asked, I would almost always answer 'yes'. Asked now, I'd have to say 'no', but that seems only obvious given the circumstances. The thing I don't understand, though, is that my current situation is pretty similar to when I first moved to Dallas. My job is not very rewarding or interesting, and I'm not in a relationship.. technically anyway.
The point, I guess, is that I clearly don't have what is necessary to be happy. John was the source of my happiness. He made up for all that is wrong with me. I just don't know how to change this. Moving back to Phoenix would probably be start.
Obviously I have a 'good' job. Many people work their asses off in college and such to get where I am, but it has become dreary to me. Most people have a lot worse life circumstance than I, but they're happy. It has to be all about the relationships. It seems like I'm exceptional at isolating myself, but it only takes one person to make the difference to me.
This post is incoherent. I'm lucky to have what I have both in a sense of security as well as the friends and family that I do have. I'm just worried that I won't ever be happy again. It doesn't seem like I can find that within myself, and the source I've depended on is gone.
1 comment:
Morning, my friend. My dad taught me that one has to care of the business of making a living and do what you have to do to take care of food, shelter, and clothing (I think I could do without the clothing) but never give up on what gives you that passion for life. It is there, you just have to find it. John is guiding you, just listen for it. I am still not sure I know what "that" is and have no clue what I want to do in life but one thing I do know is that I am a much richer person for having friends in my life and you are one of them. Ok, now that I am finished with that sentimental bs... Take some time and do what is best for you right now. Anyone that is worth having as friend or family will understand and be there when you need them. When I was talking with a counselor, he asked me "what do you want". I could not answer the question and still can't. We are all wandering out here with you but just in a different place. Hang in there. One day...
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