Sunday, December 09, 2012


It's become much colder.  I need to start moving stuff to Frisco, but I can't.  I'll do some things I need to get done tomorrow.

I keep writing "it's bad", but realize that is meaningless because it's never "good", or even "normal".  John's family is still very upset.  I'm still crippled.

Everyone on the peripheral has gone back to doing what they were doing.  I look at their facebook posts and wonder; how dare they cry rivers of tears one day, and the next it was as if he never existed.

It's become colder today.  I don't like the cold, but Riley does.  He ran in the playground today.  Every time I'm on the computer, he and Token are alone.  I can't stand that.  They were never alone when it was me and John.  John would be with his laptop on the sofa, and they would be on the love seat.  Riley would watch tv with John.  That is the natural order of things.

It'll be Christmas soon.  John's family has a yearly gathering for it.  We're just going to sit there and cry this year.

I know I'm in for a very long bout of grief and depression.  I didn't want the Zoloft before because I wasn't depressed.  I am now.

I want to go to sleep and wake up to find John snoring next to me.  It's too early to go to bed.

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