Wednesday, December 19, 2012


.. it's hard to cope with.

I used the tinnitus masking program on my computer for a few hours yesterday and woke up this morning with the ringing at a bearable level.  By noon, it was maxed again.  It's extremely difficult to take and I think it's wreaking havoc on me physically.  I have the runs (still), feel terrible, and eating is still difficult.  People tell me that fixing that is critical and I know it is, but I'm not making much progress with it.  At least I think I'm staying hydrated.

I had a hard time falling asleep last night, even with the ambien, and woke up at 6:30 and couldn't get back to sleep.  MaryBeth got here at 9:00 and we visited a couple of banks.. one of which would give us the info on John's account that we needed.  The other would not.  That was due to the lack of a designated beneficiary, so probate will be necessary.  I don't think there's any assets there, just liabilities.  We're going to see another attorney after the first of the year.

The financial stuff is a mess, and it's just.. well, I might write about it down the road, but not now.  Right now, I'm just staggered that John is gone.

For what it's worth.. everyone should have their affairs sorted for their family.  I'm learning what it's like when they are not.  Login and password info for your bank accounts, 401Ks, utilities, etc. should all be documented in writing, along with your will.  Give the info to a family member in digital form and keep a paper copy in your home.

Mine is totally not sorted.  I think I have John listed as the beneficiary on my work benefits.  I need to check that, but there's so much to do that I can't think straight.  Days are ticking by, and I'm going to be expected to be back at work full time in 2 weeks.  I don't know how I can do that.  There's no way I can be moved back into the Frisco house by then.  I don't know how much longer I can stay at John's house.  The bills are piling up.  I put nearly all my cash, plus some more into the development of a video game that won't be released for another year.

This just can't be real.

1 comment:

kris said...

thanks for reminding me about sorting out stuff.

I'm a lawyer and I faffed around getting everything sorted for ages. Then, I had time this summer - and felt the pressing need to do it.

I drafted my will, got it witnessed - and made sure my pension beneficiary was sorted out. It put all this stuff in a metal box and let missus know where it is.

You made a good point about passwords too.

I guess I put it off because I really don't have anything much - and I suppose because nobody wants to think of not being here anymore.

But once I got it all sorted (and it does take a bit of time) - I felt relieved.

I tried to talk my partner into it as well - and she's sorted out her pension beneficiary - but not her will. I told her even if she does not leave me a penny, she needs to sort it. But you can't force people.

I don't know why I got the sudden impulse to sort my stuff out. I got spooked because a friend who's a lawyer once told me to never put off seeing someone who wants to make a will - because something inside them knows - but the truth is none of us know anything- and it's hard enough to grieve without having to wage war with a bank to pay bills.

take care :)