Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas 2012

I laid in bed until 2:00pm, and then went to Mary Beth's house for a couple of hours.  Her in-laws had already left, so it was pretty much just me and her talking a bit.  Her house is normal.. husband, 12 year old daughter, etc.  They got a new flat screen tv.

It snowed today.  MaryBeth says that John sent it so we'd have a white Christmas.

It's been a tradition for John and I to go to her house on Christmas day.  It was always enjoyable.  John always got his niece a nice present from the two of us.

I can't sugar coat this.  I'm heart broken, and sad beyond anything I could imagine.  John and I would go to MaryBeth's house.. not just me.  All of the the familiar things in my life were done with him.  I am only half a man without him, and he was the better half, by far.

I still can't get a moment of peace.  My mind won't stop spinning.  Everything in my life was based around John, and as much as a cry, and as much as I plead, that won't come back.  I know that he's gone, but I think that somehow if I just beg enough, this will be a nightmare from which I was supposed to learn a lesson, and I'll wake up next to him.. snoring away.

He was only 48 years old.

I love him.  I adore him.  I miss him so much.

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