Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Weiners Bad

So Representative Anthony Weiner (uh huhuhhuh he said weener) got caught sending a photo of his package to some young woman. Naturally, a few thoughts spring to mind.

First - you have to be stupid as fuck to think you can do shit like that when you hold elected office. Well, maybe if you're city council you could do it.. but any office that has real power, you're just asking for it.

Second - if you're married, it makes you look like an asshole. In your tearful apology, you can claim you never stepped out on your wife, but nobody is going to believe you.

Third - straight guys don't know what is an impressive package to one that shouldn't be floated around as some sort of trophy. I was underwhelmed by Weiners Weiner, and I'm something of an expert in the field.

Forth - lying about it and not going in for the full lie is really stupid. Weiner originally said somebody hacked his twitter account, but hedged when asked if that was really his schlong or not. When the words "my twitter account was hacked" fell out of his mouth, the very next set of words must be "the photo is not of me". By hedging, he was doomed.

This is another reason why I would never go into politics. I'm used to seeing pictures of guys naked all the time. I'm sure there's a few of me floating around the net. The usual reception I get is applause.. a sort of manly, "dude, I'm just going to sit here and clap for a few minutes while I compose myself" type of thing. Not all voters would see it that way, but I think a majority would.

In fact, if I ever did run for office, I'd bust my ass in the gym seriously for about 6 months prior to running, then I'd have some campaign materials created that highlighted my better parts. On the outside, you'd see a smiling me looking like I'm running some sort of operation, maybe with a hard hat on.. on this inside, there'd be a full on nude shot with me maybe clutching a football.. with an all mighty erection.

The rest of my political life, nobody could ever use some obscure blurry photo that might or might not be me to try to discredit me. I'd use it to my advantage right off the bat.

To think that a picture of a guy's crotch should end his career is stupid. There was a republican rep that recently resigned due to a picture he sent a girl with his shirt off. Quitting your job over that is just dumb.

People seem to forgot Tom's #1 rule. Sex rules the world - and for a lot of these guys, they go to the gym a lot just so they can attract women that are not their wives so they can fuck them. That's true of most men, but some of these guys.. like Weiner, work out like mad just to make themselves more attractive than the competition.

But then they go about it stupidly. Twitter? Really? Twitter is really fuckin' public. What you do is you zip up your nudies, put a password on it, send them to your target and in a seperate note send the password. Easy.

I'd enjoy my first debate I think;

You'll never see a financial or sexual scandal from me. You already know what I look like, in detail - and some of you might get a chance to swing on that if you know what I mean. My opponent - you don't know what he's got going on. He might govern like he's hung like a hamster. We don't want that in Texas. In Texas, everything needs to be bigger.

So vote for me. Thank you.


Apparently Weiner sent messages to his crotch shot target instructing her on the details of lying to the press. So ya.. I think he's probably gotta go.

And by "go", I mean become a lobbyist where all congressmen go to make a bunch of money after they leave congress.

I think my plan of starting out with nude pictures in the campaign is the best way to go about it... and I would encourage everyone who I have ever had sex with write up a review for my campaign brochures.

Tom will tackle that deficit in the same way he damn near choked me to death with that mighty spear of manliness.

I think it could work.


Kor said...

There is an un-nerving amount of information about your turgid manhood in this post :D

Tom said...

I rather enjoy making the hetros uncomfortable.

And double entendres are a specialty.