Sunday, December 16, 2012

Downward Spiral

I feel like I'm falling into an abyss.  I have no strength for anything.  My ears are ringing loudly, my stomach is in cramps, and my heart feels like it's trying to burst through my chest.

I can't help but feel completely alone.

I can't help feeling I have no future, but dull days of programming and laying in bed the rest of the time... growing old, alone.  The dogs would be better off with a family than with me.  Riley runs from me when I start sobbing again.

I don't have the will to be angry.

This isn't a nightmare.  A person wakes up from those.


kris said...

Hold your face to the light.

You will get through this.

I don't think I could spend too much time alone in this situation.

Tom said...

Paige came by again this afternoon. It was just an hour, but it helps. John's sister Mary Beth should be by tomorrow, and I think Paige is coming again.

Being alone is very difficult. Everything is difficult. The tinnitus is way up for some reason, as loud as it's ever been and that makes everything worse.

Well.. I don't know how much worse it could get than just losing John. I'm still in disbelief.

I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with him. This is so unfair and fucked.

kris said...