Thank you, Andrew, for that post. I will testify to you about the bravest man I ever knew.I met my ex in 1987, and he was the first guy I had "been with". We were together for 8 years and it's probably why I'm here and healthy today. Back then, people sort of knew what was going on and sort of didn't. There was a lot of denial going on.
My brother, eleven years older than me, my godfather, was a semi-nelly queen from rural southeast Texas, where we grew up. Talk about steel. There, especially then, you take your life in your hands if you're queer and honest about it. Far more likely you grow up closeted and hating yourself. Well, my brother didn't hate himself, but plenty of people down there did. And somehow, in the face of hate, he displayed understanding and equanimity. How he managed understanding was sometimes beyond me. Like your friends, Andrew, my brother had more strength and courage and grace than Hannity and Coulter put together. He died of AIDS, Christmas 1994. He lived long enough to have several fatal diseases - Kaposi's, pneumocystis carinii, etc. - by the time he died. He lived his illness without bitterness, complaint, or regret. He planned his death, from the hospice to the urn, so as not to be a burden to our parents or to his brothers or friends. All the while offering comfort to his friends who were sicker, cooking meals, driving to appointments, enforcing medical regimes.
I've never seen someone so kind to the nurses and doctors attending him.
"I'm sorry, I look horrible," he said to the doctor at his last appointment.
"Do you feel like you're dying?" his doctor asked.
"Yes. Is that okay?"
He faced eternity with peace and wisdom and a great good humor that I continue to find simply stunning. I am not prone to experiencing profound revelations. But his death was just that to me. And this, of course, says nothing about who my brother was apart from his disease.
My brother was not a faggot. He was a man.
I knew quite a few people that were positive. I had friends that died. A guy named Andy taught me how to be a really good billiards player, and he died in 1995 or thereabouts. It was quite depressing when people you knew well were suddenly gone.
It's quite a different environment now. People are very aware and the treatment is light years better. It's a much better environment, but that doesn't change what happened to an entire generation of gay men.
Just like any minority is sensitive to racial slurs, I'm sensitive to gay slurs. Context is often important, and I really don't have a problem with people who label something "gay" when it's in the context of something that could be described as "lame" or "stupid". But when somebody like Ann Coulter slurs a politician calling him a "faggot", that's quite different. It's a reminder of all the negativity that we've had to endure.
And when somebody calls something that is lame "aids", well, that's really fucking ignorant and offensive. I've noticed the kids have been using that phrase a bit lately. They aught to know better, but then kids are generally stupid as fuck. Eventually they'll get it.
4 comments:
I always wondered if you took offense. I tried to tone it down whenever I knew you were around, but it (the term gay) has become quite neutered in our society. Sometimes I only realize I said it after it appears. :/
I'm not sure if you misunderstood me. I said that I don't care about the word "gay" used to describe something that's lame. I really don't. It's the use of AIDS that is offensive.
And using it even when I'm not around is offensive. It would not be a very good thing to neuter AIDS as a term, nor any other deadly medical condition.
I really like Bill too. He was kind and consiterate of your feelings, especially around your family who most were very ignorant. At least that was the perception I got. I just wish you would have let us in earlier so you wouldn't have to have faced so much alone.
Lynn
I guess I didn't communicate myself correctly. I was talking of my perception before the post, and then kind of jumped into something else.
In any case, I've never been one to censor my speech for the simple fact that even if I were to insert some other word...say...ADD...It wouldn't matter because the intent and meaning attached to it are what I'm trying to convey, not the spelling. It's the same reason that when people say "Fricken" or "frackin" that I just want to scream. Do they think people don't realize what they are trying to say? That is somehow has some sort of other meaning? I dunno, it's part of my broader rant against PC in general, but it's applicability here is limited.
I suppose it does desensitize people to the word, but I think that's only if you choose to. And it certainly wouldn't desensitize you to the condition. /shrug. I respect you though, whatever you may think, and so I will try and edit my way of using such euphamisms.
Oh, btw, just thought I'd point out a little hypocracy while I'm at it. Remember how everyone was up in arms about Coulter making the fragging John Murtha comment?
Last night, Bill Mar pleaded to have Dick Cheney assassinated....and all is quiet. I find it quite ironic. Selective outrage seems to be the soup of the day.
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