The problem? Social isolation. I went to Europe for 3 weeks in 1994 - and one of the most stark impressions that I remember having to this day is how social they are. I remember being in front of the Notre Dam in Paris (or is it Dame? Google shows it both ways). There were just so many people just hanging out and enjoying each other's company. Sure, that's a world famous cathedral so that's understandable, but it was the same pretty much everywhere I went.
I live in the 6th largest city in the United States. None of that happens here.
American's work, and go home - maybe talk to a spouse or significant other. Maybe talk the kids if they have them. That's about it. Is anything significant exchanged?
I've been in Dallas for 2 and a half years now. I have maybe 3 friends - 2 of which are more bar buddies than anything. It's probably my own fault, but I don't think I'm unique by any means.
So what is the difference between the American's and the Europeans? A lot of it is probably technology, and entertainment mediums. I expect Europe is probably about 20 years behind the United States in social development - meaning in 10 years they will probably be a bunch of lonely isolationists too.
Isn't it the proper etiquette in our country to totally ignore strangers now? I mean, American's are driven by fear. That's why we go to war all the time. But, we really don't interact or talk to anybody we don't know as a basic rule. That fear based isolation is becoming the social norm in this country.
How would you feel if somebody you didn't know came up to you in public and just said "hi"? You'd feel embarrassed or afraid, or just basically uncomfortable, right? That is the social norm now and I don't see it changing, only getting worse.
I do remember an age before computers and before the internet. I even remember days before the VCR. I used to go out every day and hang out with friends because there wasn't much to do at home. Sure, we did a lot of stupid things - I set fire to a basketball court in a public park once (don't ask) - but we did them together and had a blast.
Tonight when I get home, I'll play a game for a number of hours. Some of the people I play the game with, I've known upwards of 7 years - and have absolutely no idea what they look like. I can identify them by voice, since we use voice coms for the game, but I have no clue how old most of them are, or if they're married, or have kids.. or any of that stuff..
Anyway, the reason I got to thinking about that again is because of an email that was posted to another blog. It's an interesting read, in reference to drug abuse, and possible causes for it. Most of us are really lonely people, aren't we? I remember when it wasn't like that.
Your latest two pieces of writing have the same underlying foundation: isolation in our current society.
So what's next? Peer pressure like in the 1980's does not have the same effect because we are so much more socially isolated than we were twenty years ago. I know I am, my Mom is, my friends are; aren't you? Since our society is being eaten away by isolationism, how do we get people back from behind their iPods into society? In a country where we do not have strong social traditions, where do you go to reintroduce cultural socialization. In Italy, they walk in the evenings; In Germany, they gather at beergardens; In France, cafes. Yesterday, I went to my local coffee house in the bohemian section of Boston, Jamaica Plain, and like you, found myself alone amongst a flock of wired people.
I don't know about you, but I am getting pretty lonely. I trashed my last MP3 player, and after reading your article, have been rethinking giving into the mass media iPOD craze. Must we rip these people from behind the computer screen to experience life and share the world?
2 comments:
Fierce independence has always marked American life, but I concur with what it is you've pointed out here.
In our efforts to make everyone "more productive" we have lost the neighborhoods and community clubs that were the cohesive parts of our culture.
Now, we have entertainment that is designed to amuse us in the singular, even when watching/listening/playing in large groups. We have political divisions that foster the segregation of people who think differently. We have political correctness run amok making people afraid to offend anyone. These factors culminate in the idea that it is better to be solitary, or at least anonymous, than to be part of society.
The solution? Participation in democracy, society, and politics. People just need to be reminded that we are all in this "thing" together. We need to educate our children to be a part of something bigger than themselves. We need to provide the right incentives for working together. At least, that's my take.
Being an American myself, we are raised to be driven by fear...we teach our own children not to talk to strangers. In the scheme of things, we are all strangers, with some of us being much stranger than the rest!
Take my advise. Buy the iPod, keep on Blogging, but DO talk to strangers. I try this at least 3 times per day. Usually I pick on the elderly, they are happy to see an unfamiliar smile. My next victim is the not so friendly store clerk...that is a hit or miss. Still at the store I turn around and converse with other shoppers, catching them off guard. As one can see, I still find an empty void in human interaction. So I sit infront of this thing... And find myself striking up one sided conversations with you! ...keep the faith, there is always the friendly corner bar...once we've had enough to drink, people tend to open up.
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