War on Christmas Redux

Jon Stewart, who is the antedote to the craptastic media elite, takes on Bill O'Liely at Faux News, and the supposed "war on Christmas". If you think there is a war on Christmas, you bought the ear splitting screaching from a bunch of total wankers. Bummer for you.

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STEWART: But apparently, we liberal secular fags here at Comedy Central --

[laughter]

STEWART: -- have fired a devastating year-old six-second-long joke that doesn't barely even make any sense to us anymore across the bow of Christianity. When you think of liberals, your thoughts naturally turn to others who are fighting against Christmas like the Puritans: the first white Americans who banned Christmas celebrations for 22 years in Boston because they deemed all of them unseemly. Godless pricks.

[laughter]

STEWART: Mr. O'Reilly also objects, obviously, to the use of the phrase "Happy Holidays" as anti-Christian, although, for some people, there is also a -- a celebration of the New Year. So Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays, so there is a plural, which in the English language necessitates the use of the letter "S." Now, I suppose you could say "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year" but you probably have (expletive) to do.

[laughter, applause]

STEWART: You shorten it to "Happy Holidays."

laughter]

STEWART: Not everybody who says that is anti-Christian, but for those of you who don't feel like you want to be idiots walking around starting on November 27 saying "Merry Christmas" to people, knock yourself out. You know what, it's OK. If Bill O'Reilly needs to have an enemy, needs to feel persecuted, you know what? Here's my Kwanzaa gift to him. Are you ready? All right. I'm your enemy. Make me your enemy. I, Jon Stewart, hate Christmas, Christians, Jews, morality, and I will not rest until every year families gather to spend December 25th together at Osama's homo-abortion-pot-and-commie-jizzporium.

[applause] ”