Crushing Waves

Saturday morning.  We'd normally sleep in.. the dogs would pile in-between us.. Riley usually laying on me and Token on John.

I thought when I went to bed last night that there was some air in the room, but when I woke up this morning, it had all been sucked out.  I'm panicking again.  My doctor told me to start taking the Zoloft again. It's now been 5 days and the only thing I've been able to eat is a bowl of soup.  The idea of food makes me sicker.

I need to do something for work.

I have no idea how I'm going to deal with all of John's stuff.  I have no idea how I'm going to get back into my house in Frisco.  I'm not sure I have enough money to handle this.  The bills are mounting.

All I can do is try and breath.

To be honest with you, I don't think I fully understood how much my life was tied with John.  I feel like I need to protect him now, and what's left of him are his things and the memory of him.  Being the bastard that I am, I sort of always kept my escape plan.. my house in Frisco.  That was stupid.  I didn't want an escape plan.. I wanted a forever plan.